Ken Stillson - About me

Growing up...

I grew up in Reston Virginia, a suburb of Washington, DC. It was around 6th grade that everyone started to notice my interest and expertise with computers. By 8th grade, I was the town's resident expert and hacker. It's pretty amazing that I didn't get myself into more trouble than I did... But we won't go there.

It was around 10th grade that I started to understand my interest in other guys. I didn't really "come out of the closet" until my second year of college. Although long before then, I couldn't have been hiding it that well-- my mom actually asked me "are you gay?" when I was around 13. I denied it at the time (I'm not sure I even knew what it meant at the time), but I guess she knew anyway... When I did tell my parents, their reaction was relief and joy that I was finally fully including them in my life.. As I recall, what they actually said was "Great! And we very much want to meet your boyfriends..." And they always do.

James

I fell in love for the first time at age 20, while studying abroad in Australia. His name was James. He was young (my age), articulate, artistic, sexy. We formed quite an incredible connection: within days we were finishing each other sentences, within weeks neither of us had a thought the other didn't.

Unfortunately when my student visa expired, I was forced to return to the US, and leave James behind. I consider it one of the great ironies of my life that just a few months after I returned, Australia passed one of the most progressive immigration policies in the world. Given a six month relationship, regardless of gender, one could immigrate. It would have been that long, and I'm pretty sure I would have jumped at the chance, if only the timing had worked out.

I am occasionally asked "what has been the happiest time of your life," I don't need to hesitate. There really is no time like the first time. In-fact, it took rather a while to recover from James- I have never again had the kind of mental connection with a lover that I did with him. I took years to discover that such a link is not necessary to fall in love.

Adam

Adam and I were together for almost two years, and lived together most of that. For most of that time, it was exactly what I wanted; the perfect relationship.

Alas, when Adam and I started dating, he had only recently come out of the closet, and had never spent much time single in the gay community. That meant he had never had a chance to "sow his wild oats," a rather permiscious stage most boys go through upon discovering their sexuality (gay or straight). Adam was a truly beautiful boy, and as he began to figure out the possibilities that surrounded him, the temptations were just too strong. Over time, that loosened the thread that unraveled the fabric.

Fortunately for me, happy memories are the ones I recall most vividly. And most of my time with Adam was true bliss.

Unfortunately, memories are all that remain now. Adam passed away in late 1998, at the age of 26.

I must say, the death of someone you truly loved is a difficult thing to be forced to incorporate into yourself; to have to finally turn off that belief that maybe somehow, someday you'll be able to reunite and be happy again..

I will say this-- I am thankful beyond description that after a few years of not giving each other the time of day, Adam and I did make our peace, and the last time I saw him, we parted as friends. I can't imagine how I'd live with myself if it had not been so.

And thus I pontificate:

Never let anger linger longer than it deserves. Every person you know will die eventually You never know when will be the last time you see someone, and it's amazing how important their opinion of you becomes         when they are not around to express it,         and it can never again be changed. Never wait too long to make amends.

From the past to the present...

I lived for a long time in Arlington (a DC suburb), working as a telecommunications and security analyst.

I spent much of my weekends in Dupont Circle (the primary DC gay area), socializing with friends, or working on any of my various hobbies, such as designing and creating stained glass and glass sculpture, occasionally composing "house" music, tending my little garden, etc.

But eventually California came calling - and I uprooted and left for the left coast, off to work for Google.

I'm currently living in beautiful Mountain View CA - just a few miles from the Google headquarters..

At the moment I'm still in a settling-in phase here, and haven't even arranged a good set of pictures to post yet. Check back occasionally though - I should have some more good stuff to post before too long. (And feel free to bug me if it looks like a long time has gone by and I'm neglecting my page.

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